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darren's blog

It's technically Friday!!

Posted by darren

And now for something completely different.

Or a tarp.

I'm famous!... in Arlington, VA....

Posted by darren

It's not everyday I cameo in... well, anything. That all changes today! I got the opportunity to pig out on fried food, ride all the scary rides, and generally cause mischief at the Arlington County Fair -- while on camera. Think of it as Diners, Drive-ins & Dives minus the nationwide coverage.

 

The Drink List (and Pictures of Stuff)

Posted by darren

Mmmm, they all look good.When it comes to menus, I like the pictures. Everything is better with pictures. I started thinking about this after a friendly visit to the neighborhood Applebee's and checked out their fancy drink menu.

Every other day I get Chinese menu brochures hanging on my door. I’ve realized I only order from the ones with pictures on them. So many choices. I just want to consult with my stomach on what looks good, but my stomach only speaks in grunts -- it’s tougher to understand than you would think.

I hate buying something without seeing what I’m getting then realizing afterward that I don’t want it. My friend got what I wanted, and I can’t stand it. Then I’m thinking the whole time they’re eating and telling about how good that is, and how awful what I am eating is, but I can’t look like I made the wrong decision so I embellish how great this turd is.

“Oh yeah, I bet you wish you got what I’m having, it’s soooooo good!” I hope he chokes on that General Tso’s chicken.

I think everything would be better with pictures. What if you could pick your own body organs? I could just see myself looking through a catalog of livers. “Do you got anything not as pink? Oh and it’s got to be at least twice that size. I want to be able to shotgun a keg when this operation is over.”

And that’s not an exaggeration. I completely expect to shotgun a keg after a liver operation. In fact, I’m shotgunning one right now.

The Hotel Sheets

Posted by darren

So I bought new sheets for my bed the other day. Yeah, exciting stuff.

Anyway, I got these new high-class “hotel” sheets. Real nice. I get them home, put them on my bed, and they are the worst thing I’ve ever purchased. Then I started thinking to myself, “When have I ever slept well at a hotel?”

What would even motivate me to purchase “hotel” sheets? With those over-fluffy pillows, crick-in-your-back mattresses, and those crappy sheets that you just know the hotel has to burn after every use.

I think I was intoxicated by thread counts. Thread counts! I’m 29 years old and debating sheets because they’re under 300....

I should be comfortable sleeping on Doritos and pocket lint. That’s how I made it through undergrad. Oh futons, how I do not miss thee.

The USB Guitar

Posted by darren

I bought a new guitar that plugs into USB ports. Apparently, my laptop will do the playing for me. I can just sit back while it rocks out to Freebird. I will eventually destroy it, though, because the laptop just doesn’t understand me or the direction of our band.

RAMEN! Day 2

Posted by darren

Welcome to the RAMEN. THE SAGA. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read about my first adventure in Ramenland here.

I've been sick for the past couple of days so many of my chores have been piling up, including cleaning the dishes. Lucky for me, included in my huge box of Ramen are a couple choices in their own paper cups.

My last entry was actually some pretty good, spicy ramen. But with highs must come lows, which means I immediately went for the cup I was most unsure: Paldo's Chlorella Cup noodle Soup.